Biblical Submission, Part 4 - Conclusion

As bleak as many Christian families may look on the surface, I see good news and glimmers of hope on the horizon. I see the blinders of deceit falling from the eyes of the grandchildren of those from the women's liberation movement. They are realizing that the world's definition of success resulting in women usurping their husband's authority, dual income households and substitute parenting is not working in our society. Because of mass media, the powerful research tool of the internet, and demographic education taking place in many of today's churches, high schools and college campuses, young people are seeing the direct relation between the ills of our society and the mass exodus of women from the home driven by the women's liberation movement. These young people have taken notice that as the number of women who rebel against their God given roles and the entry of women into the work force increases, so does the moral decline of our society.

If we look back and study American history, we will see a plethora of strong, intelligent women shaping and molding our nation from it's very foundation - the family. Today's young people are hungry for this truth. They long for a life focused on unity within their families. Because of their study of history and sociology, they also know that the national unity and peace they long for is simply an extension of family unity.

The Word of God offers instructions on how to achieve this greatly desired family unity. Of course, the foundation of family begins with the foundation of the husband and wife. Today's wife has a tremendous opportunity to be an abundant instrument of change for our nation. However, before we can be that instrument of change we must be willing to take an honest look at ourselves in the mirror. We must admit our own personal failures regarding God's Word and our roles. We must be willing to identify the temptations that lead us out of our God given roles causing us to usurp our husband's God given authority. Once we identify our area(s) of temptation, we are then able to approach the throne of God with a repentant heart. By repenting we give God permission to change us. Remember, it is foolish to try and change our husbands. But, any sociologist will tell you that when you change, others around you are also forced to change. When we allow God to change us into the help meet He created us to be, we are also giving Him permission to begin changing our husbands into the leaders He created them to be.

For many years, I was conditioned by my upbringing not to trust men. The lack of trust that I was raised with opened the door for fear in my marriage. If my husband did not act as quickly as I thought he should, I'd step up and do it. If my husband made a decision I disagreed with, I'd nag him until he either caved in or ended up harboring ill feelings toward me. Once I identified my temptation and my sin, fear, I was then able to go to God in repentance. Once I repented of my shortfalls, God was then able to begin a work within me. God gave me the strength to stand by and allow my husband to fall. If he missed a business opportunity because he lingered too long in the decision process, I remained quiet and allowed him to suffer the consequences of his inaction. If my husband made a decision that I disagreed with and it turned out that I was right, I remained quiet and allowed him to suffer the consequences of his poor decision. Yes, there were times that I had to come in after the fact and help him clean up a mess. He didn't need me to say, "I told you so". He knew where he messed up or missed the mark. Surprisingly, he only had to make a few mistakes before very quickly learning how to avoid future mistakes. My temptation and weakness causing rebellion to God's plan for my life was fear. What's yours? Is it fear, discontent, or maybe even discouragement?

Titus 2:3-5 says, "The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God be not blasphemed". This is a pretty tall order for today's Christian woman, especially since many of us do not posses these basic skills ourselves. However, what was the 1970's women's liberation mantra, "I am woman, hear me roar"? I say it is time that we women begin that shout again. Only today we stop shouting in the direction of our husbands and God, and we instead, shout to the enemy who deceived our grandmothers and mothers. It is time for us to take back what has been stolen. It is time to take back our place of dignity and honor. It is time to take back the formation of the foundations of our families and nation. It is time for us to be praised by our husbands, children and neighbors. It is time that we are once again looked upon as hardworking, good managers, possessive of good business sense, respected, strong, kind to others, spiritual, wise and productive. It is time our value was returned and we once again find ourselves preserved and protected. It is time we become the godly and virtuous women described by the Bible.

To the world, I shout, "I am woman, here me roar - I am taking back what you stole from me!"

But more importantly, to God, my husband and my children, I triumphantly declare,

"I AM WOMAN, I AM YOURS!".

I have a desire to be praised by my husband, children and neighbors. I have a desire to be hardworking, a good manager, possess good business sense, respected, strong, kind to others, spiritual, wise and productive. I have a desire to be valuable enough to be preserved and protected. I have a desire to be a godly and virtuous woman as described by the Bible.

Biblical Submission, Part 3

During the course of three generations the sinful rebellion of wives against their husbands has become not only socially acceptable but also common place within Christian culture. I am amazed at how many Christian women profess to love the Lord with a tremendous fervor, attempt serve Him diligently and at the same time rebel against the Word of God by dishonoring their husbands.

Although many appear to be successful within their ministries, I challenge that summation. The Barna Group defines an Evangelical Christian as, "Evangelicals" meet the born again criteria plus seven other conditions. Those include saying their faith is very important in their life today; believing they have a personal responsibility to share their religious beliefs about Christ with non-Christians; believing that Satan exists; believing that eternal salvation is possible only through grace, not works; believing that Jesus Christ lived a sinless life on earth; asserting that the Bible is accurate in all that it teaches; and describing God as the all-knowing, all-powerful, perfect deity who created the universe and still rules it today. Being classified as an evangelical is not dependent upon church attendance or the denominational affiliation of the church they attend." (When I seriously began studying the Bible, I came to realize that God expects everyone who follows Him to adhere to this criteria.). In 2007, Barna research concluded that only 8% of Americans could be classified as Evangelical Christians. If today's Christian women are successful within their ministries, then why are only 8% of Americans classified as Evangelical Christians?

Where and how are we missing the mark? Why, for three generations, have our sons and daughters rebelled and not followed us in our faith? In my opinion, the answer lies within the Christian home. Specifically, Christian mothers are not passing the legacy of Biblical principals and standards onto their children. Today's average Christian woman does not model the Bible's definition of submission. She does not honor her husband (respect, encourage, edify), she does not obey her husband (follow guidance and instruction), she is not an active helper to her husband (assist in whatever area she may be of use). Instead, today's Christian woman publicly criticizes and mocks her husband, she openly refuses to follow his wishes and she expects him to be her helper in every aspect of her life. As women and mothers, we are telling children to follow the Bible and it's teachings while we are not doing it ourselves. Our behavior and actions have sent a very clear message to our children that asserts the Bible is not God's infallible Word.

Why are today's Christian women not living a life aligned with the Bible? Many are modeling the legacy that has been passed on to them. A legacy of fear, discontent and discouragement. The fearful wife is afraid of what may happen if her husband neglects his role in the family. She is afraid of potential pain, loss or embarrassment to herself or ones she loves. Her fear temps her to "nag" her husband into action or assume her husband's responsibilities. Nagging builds resentment towards the wife and assumption of responsibility removes the natural consequences of a husband's poor decisions, actions or inaction, thus blurring and confusing the distinctive roles of husband and wife. The discontented wife always seems to think she deserves more than she is getting. She thinks her husband should give her more attention, affection, gratitude, leadership, possessions, etc. She is unthankful which quickly leads to miserable. The discouraged wife is tempted to despair. She gives up on being faithful in serving her family because her husband has abandoned his spiritual responsibilities. She is temped to anger and bitterness and often feels her efforts to train her children according to Biblical principals are in vain.

Fear is an outward symptom of a lack of faith. God's Word is consistent in telling us to fear not, our help comes from the Lord.
Proverbs 29:25, "The fear of man bringeth a snare; but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe."
Proverbs 1:33, "But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil."
Isaiah 41:13, "For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee."
2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Hebrews 13:6, "So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."
Isaiah 43:2, "When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee."
Psalms 91:4-6, "He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy sheild and buckler. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday."
Psalms 27;1&3, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident."

Discontentment poisons the fabric of our families. God's Word instructs us to be content in all our circumstances.
Proverbs 17:22, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones."
Hebrews 13:5, "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."
Proverbs 15:15, "All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast."
Proverbs 14:30, "A sound heart is the life of the flesh; but envy the rottenness of the bones."
1 Timothy 6:6, "But godliness with contentment is great gain."
Proverbs 23:17, 18, "Let not thine heart envy sinners; but be thou in the fear of the Lord all the day long. For surely there is an end; and thine expectation shall not be cut off."

Behavior that accompanies discouragement testifies that God is a liar. The Bible tells us over and over that God is faithful to His Word.
Deuteronomy 7:9, "Know therefore that the Lord thy God, He is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love Him and keep His commandments to a thousand generations."
Psalms 105:8, "He hath remembered His covenant forever, the word which He commanded to a thousand generations."
Hebrews 10:23, "Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for He is faithful that promised;).
2 Timothy 2:13, "If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful; he cannot deny himself."
Isaiah 25:1, "O Lord, thou are my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth."
Psalms 9;10, "And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee."
Psalms 119:160, "Thy word is true from the beginning; and every one of thy righteous judgments endureth for ever."
Psalms 89:34, "My covenant will I not break, nor alter the thing that is gone out of my lips."
Isaiah 54:10, "For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee."
Isaiah 46:11, "...yea, I have spoken it, I will also bring it to pass, I have purposed it, I will also do it."
Galatians 6:9, "And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap if we faint not."

In being submissive toward our husbands, wives are responsible for: (paraphrased from "As Unto The Lord, A Tool for Wives Who Want to Glorify God", by Pam Forster)

~ Obeying the Word of God. Luke 8:21, "And He answered and said unto them, My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God , and do it."
~ Showing honor and respect to her husband as God's appointed head over her and their family. Ephesians 5:22-23, 33, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the saviour of the body. (33) Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
~ Bringing her spirit under God's control and praying for her husband as she quietly submits herself to whatever leadership her husband offers. 1 Timothy 2:1-3, "Exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions and giving thanks, be make for all men; For kings and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our saviour."
~ Respectfully confronting her husband when he is in sin. (one must take caution not to become the nagging contentious wife as referred to in Proverbs 21:19 and Proverbs 27:15) 1 Peter 3:1-2, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear."
~ Managing her home. Proverbs 31:27, "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."
~ Training her children. Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Titus 2:4, "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children."
~ Obeying God rather than man if her husband asks her to participate in what is truly sin, ie. immorality, breaking of Ten Commandments, committing a crime. Deuteronomy 4:2, "Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I commanded you."

Wives have many responsibilities. However, no where does the Bible tell us that we are responsible for changing our husbands' hearts. Only God, through the work of the Holy Spirit, can change hearts. When a wife is virtuous and submissive toward her husband, his heart naturally softens allowing God access to do a work within.

I have a desire to be praised by my husband, children and neighbors. I have a desire to be hardworking, a good manager, possess good business sense, respected, strong, kind to others, spiritual, wise and productive. I have a desire to be valuable enough to be preserved and protected. I have a desire to be a godly and virtuous woman as described by the Bible.

Biblical Submission Part 2

A few years ago when the Lord began dealing with me in the area of submission, a friend of mine gave me a book written by Debi Pearl, entitled Created To Be His Help Meet. Now, if you decide to ever purchase and read this book for yourself, I will add a disclaimer right up front. This book is not for the faint at heart. It WILL step on your toes and in some situations it may even stomp on your heart. However, Chapter 8, Wisdom to Understand Your Man, was of great assistance to me in the beginning of my Biblical submission journey.

The key point Mrs. Pearl makes in this chapter is, "Wisdom is knowing what you "bought" when you married that man, and learning to adapt to him as he is, not as you want him to be." Ouch! This is a very large pill for many wives in today's society.

Trying to change our husbands into what we would like them to be proves to be disastrous. Unfortunately, this is the primary reason for today's 50%, and climbing, divorce rate. Sociology, and life experience, teaches us that in EVERY relationship there is a dominant personality, either because one person naturally takes charge, OR because one is in an authoritative position (ie. supervisor, parent, older sibling, more tenure, etc.). Just as with the church, God designed marriages to have a leader. Ephesians 5:21-33 likens marriage to Christ and the church. The leader in the church is Jesus Christ, in marriages it is the husband. Genesis 2:18 says, "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." My Random House Dictionary defines help meet as: "a helpful companion, especially a spouse". Women were designed by God to be a helpful companion to man. Please note, the Bible does not say, It is not good that the woman should be alone; I will make her an help meet for her. It specifically speaks of woman being created to help the man. Nor does it say that God created woman inferior to man, it says God created woman to help man because it was not good for him (the man) to be alone. Women were created to co-exist with man. Women were created to help and assist him. This makes him the leader in the marriage relationship.

When we apply a co-existing attitude to our marriages with the understanding that ALL relationships have a leader and God created wives to be the husband's helper, then we are able to assist our husbands in being the GREAT men that God created them to be. As wives, we must remember that our husband was created and designed by God with his specific dominant characteristic. Therefore, it is futile for any woman to try and change a man. She will either destroy her marriage or, if her husband stays married out of moral obligation, she will successfully destroy her husband's confidence, drive, and mental health. Of course, both of these disastrous outcomes affect any children in all sorts of dysfunctional ways.

If a woman desires to be all that God created her to be - praised by her husband, children, neighbors; hardworking; good manager; good business person; respected; strong; kind to others; spiritual; wise; productive; preserved and protected - she must realize that stepping into her role as a help meet is the first step in acquiring these traits. She must repent for her of rebellion in trying to reach these goals on her own. Remember God created man and woman to co-exist. Just as a man can not attain the heights God created him to reach without the woman, neither can a woman attain the heights God created her to reach without the man. When we reject God's way we fight, struggle and experience failure after failure. Sure we may see an occasional victory but at what cost? What is the health of our marriage and family relationships? Do we hide a broken heart and disappointments or regrets? However, when women step into the help meet role God created us to partake in, He is then able to use our husbands, families and neighbors to elevate us to greater heights than any of us have ever imagined.

I have a desire to be praised by my husband, children and neighbors. I have a desire to be hardworking, a good manager, possess good business sense, respected, strong, kind to others, spiritual, wise and productive. I have a desire to be valuable enough to be preserved and protected. I have a desire to be a godly and virtuous woman as described by the Bible.

Biblical Submission Part 1

I know that submitting to one's headship, whether it be a husband, supervisor, parent, the Bible, etc. is not popular in today's culture. Despite popular opinions and behaviors, through my own trials and victories I have learned that God's way will always bring abundant blessings and the "world's" way almost always leads to destruction. Even on the few occasions that the world's way doesn't end in destruction, one still misses the abundant blessing of God which ALWAYS overshadows any worldly reward.

I find it very sad that, today, many folks view the Biblical submission of wives as a form of abuse and/or slavery. I often ask myself how could mankind have bought into such a huge lie? When did so many stop reading the Bible? When one reads what God's word has to say about women and wives submitting to their husbands, the virtues of a Godly woman and the rewards of submission and virtue, I find myself asking, "How could any woman not want to be submissive and virtuous?" (I am not talking about eternal rewards, I'm talking about rewards in the here and now while one is still on this earth). Proverbs 31:28-31 tells us, "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." This is only one of many passages that hints at the abundant blessings that await submissive, virtuous wives.

I know many women will attempt to site Ephesians 5:25-31 on how the husband is instructed to love the wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. They then conclude that since their husband doesn't seem to love them in this way, they are then excused from submission or proceed with a "tit for tat" attitude. However, consider for just a moment how you respond to those who don't respect you, don't encourage you, ridicule you, are not loyal to you, are not proud of you, mock you, are resentful of you, rebellious of your position, resistant to your suggestions or ideas, or treat you with scorn. Do you willing and unabashedly love them as Christ loved the church, willing to give your life for it? Giving up your life for that sort of person is pretty difficult to imagine.

Now, let's consider those who carry respect for you, are always encouraging toward you, are more loyal than a country hound dog, have an abundance of pride for your efforts, they are never resentful or rebellious of your position, they listen and carefully consider your ideas and suggestions, they don't make fun of you or treat you with scorn. Wow! to have that sort of respect and admiration - how could you not love someone like that more than you love life? Proverbs 31:11-12 tells us, "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." If wives would stop listening to the lies of this world and begin honoring, our husbands couldn't help but love us they way Christ loved the church. A positive response may take longer from some men than it will from others, but in time, a positive response will come.

There is always the argument that women have fought long and hard for equality. Why would we want to be put back into a position of inferiority? Again, I wonder when was it that we all stopped reading our Bibles? Absolutely nowhere in the Bible does it elude that a woman is inferior to a man. She may be responsible for different tasks and roles, but never is she inferior. I will again point to Proverbs 31:13-27, "She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ship; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the friut of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy, She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." From this passage we find that a virtuous and submissive woman is hardworking, has excellent managerial skills, is strong, has good business sense, is kind to others, spiritual, respected, wise and productive. Please, tell me how those qualities are inferior? I've never met a man who didn't strive to achieve the very same qualities.

Again opponents would argue, "But in some areas we are actually equal to men, why would we want to turn back now?" My answer is because the Bible tells us that a virtuous woman is of GREAT worth. Proverbs 31:10, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Hmm, Wow! Price far above rubies. A virtuous and submissive woman is valuable. Anyone who owns a valuable piece of jewelry takes steps to preserve and protect it. We women are valuable and deserve preservation and protection. There was once a time in history when women were revered as special, unique and worth preserving. We've all heard the old stories of valiant men risking life and limb to protect women. Where has that gone? Today, we have men and women fighting side by side in combat. (please do not confuse my comment with a disrespect for the women who have served or are currently serving in our nation's military - I am eternally grateful to ALL who have served our nation). Yes, women have proven they are just as capable as men, but from society's standpoint, it has only diminished our value. In a crisis situation men no longer shout, "Women and Children FIRST, Women and Children FIRST". For those who live in the south, Hurricane Katrina was a grim reality of "I couldn't let that woman or child go first, if I had, I'd be the one dead now."

I have a desire to be praised by my husband, children and neighbors. I have a desire to be hardworking, a good manager, possess good business sense, respected, strong, kind to others, spiritual, wise and productive. I have a desire to be valuable enough to be preserved and protected. I have a desire to be a godly and virtuous woman as described by the Bible.