A few years ago when the Lord began dealing with me in the area of submission, a friend of mine gave me a book written by Debi Pearl, entitled Created To Be His Help Meet. Now, if you decide to ever purchase and read this book for yourself, I will add a disclaimer right up front. This book is not for the faint at heart. It WILL step on your toes and in some situations it may even stomp on your heart. However, Chapter 8, Wisdom to Understand Your Man, was of great assistance to me in the beginning of my Biblical submission journey.
The key point Mrs. Pearl makes in this chapter is, "Wisdom is knowing what you "bought" when you married that man, and learning to adapt to him as he is, not as you want him to be." Ouch! This is a very large pill for many wives in today's society.
Trying to change our husbands into what we would like them to be proves to be disastrous. Unfortunately, this is the primary reason for today's 50%, and climbing, divorce rate. Sociology, and life experience, teaches us that in EVERY relationship there is a dominant personality, either because one person naturally takes charge, OR because one is in an authoritative position (ie. supervisor, parent, older sibling, more tenure, etc.). Just as with the church, God designed marriages to have a leader. Ephesians 5:21-33 likens marriage to Christ and the church. The leader in the church is Jesus Christ, in marriages it is the husband. Genesis 2:18 says, "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." My Random House Dictionary defines help meet as: "a helpful companion, especially a spouse". Women were designed by God to be a helpful companion to man. Please note, the Bible does not say, It is not good that the woman should be alone; I will make her an help meet for her. It specifically speaks of woman being created to help the man. Nor does it say that God created woman inferior to man, it says God created woman to help man because it was not good for him (the man) to be alone. Women were created to co-exist with man. Women were created to help and assist him. This makes him the leader in the marriage relationship.
When we apply a co-existing attitude to our marriages with the understanding that ALL relationships have a leader and God created wives to be the husband's helper, then we are able to assist our husbands in being the GREAT men that God created them to be. As wives, we must remember that our husband was created and designed by God with his specific dominant characteristic. Therefore, it is futile for any woman to try and change a man. She will either destroy her marriage or, if her husband stays married out of moral obligation, she will successfully destroy her husband's confidence, drive, and mental health. Of course, both of these disastrous outcomes affect any children in all sorts of dysfunctional ways.
If a woman desires to be all that God created her to be - praised by her husband, children, neighbors; hardworking; good manager; good business person; respected; strong; kind to others; spiritual; wise; productive; preserved and protected - she must realize that stepping into her role as a help meet is the first step in acquiring these traits. She must repent for her of rebellion in trying to reach these goals on her own. Remember God created man and woman to co-exist. Just as a man can not attain the heights God created him to reach without the woman, neither can a woman attain the heights God created her to reach without the man. When we reject God's way we fight, struggle and experience failure after failure. Sure we may see an occasional victory but at what cost? What is the health of our marriage and family relationships? Do we hide a broken heart and disappointments or regrets? However, when women step into the help meet role God created us to partake in, He is then able to use our husbands, families and neighbors to elevate us to greater heights than any of us have ever imagined.
I have a desire to be praised by my husband, children and neighbors. I have a desire to be hardworking, a good manager, possess good business sense, respected, strong, kind to others, spiritual, wise and productive. I have a desire to be valuable enough to be preserved and protected. I have a desire to be a godly and virtuous woman as described by the Bible.