When writing about meal planning, grocery budgets or posting recipes, I've often included my opinion regarding the importance of regular family meal times. I've also mentioned that numerous studies on family health and relationships tout the positive benefits of consistent family meal times.
However, there is an ugly truth regarding my own family's meal times. Although we regularly and consistently eat together around our dining table, often times 3 meals per day, embarrassingly, our conversations are lacking, at best. The awful reality is that sometimes our entire family eats in silence except for the occasional, "please pass ________", or, most awful, "Thank you, that was good", before one excuses themselves while others are still eating! On the occasions when conversation is present at meal time, it is often an overview of our family's "to do" lists or a lecture of correction given by dad. These topics do not evoke a pleasurable environment. And, to have family members hurriedly gobbling up their food and quickly exiting the dining table while others are still eating is a horrendous breach of etiquette - at least where I come from.
Instead of espousing the reasons and pointing fingers at others who, from my own perspective, have set a very poor example of this negative meal time environment; I am choosing to take some steps in an attempt to change this and bring pleasant, encouraging, thought provoking, interesting and inquisitive conversation to our family dining table. Which brings the focus to the new addition in our dining table décor.
Although I'd like my home's décor to be creative, warm and inviting, it usually turns out being more clean and functional. Our daily dining table centerpiece is a simple stainless steel lazy Susan that holds the salt & pepper mills, a bottle of hot sauce and a small container of toothpicks. Today, I added a pint sized, decorated mason jar filled with strips of paper. The paper strips contain various conversation starters, such as, "What was the best part of your day?", "If you had the attention of the entire world for 30 seconds, what would you say?" or "What do you think you could have done better today?". These are only a very small sampling of the many conversation starters I found scattered across the internet today.
With Mr.B out of town and the littles at church activities and rodeo practice, I will be alone this evening but I look forward to each of my family members taking turns drawing a conversation topic from the jar. I hope the conversations will be funny, interesting, encouraging. Most of all, I hope those who rush through their meal in an effort to return to the television or other vices, will linger for a short while and enjoy some time with their family.
Does your family eat meals together on a consistent basis? Have you ever used conversation starters? If so, how did they work out for your family? I would love for you to share your experiences in the comments section. I could really use all the help I can get.
Hi Mrs. B. I understand how hectic life can be with everyone running in different directions. We had family meals at the table, usually with the addition of several other hanai kids joining us most nights. :) We had a rule that everyone remained at the table until we were all done eating. Then they could leave and do whatever it is that they were going to do but most nights, we would all linger a bit longer sharing about things that were on our mind and laughing, lots and lots of laughing. We asked questions like "what was your favorite things about today?" "what was your favorite vacation?" or would ask for ideas for a family vacation and everyone would contribute to the discussion. We talked about our dreams and the boys wanted to hear stories about their father and I growing up. We made Friday nights our dinner and a movie night where the boys would help me plan an easy menu that we could eat out in the living room and everyone took a turn at picking a movie for each week. We either borrowed them from the library, or we would watch one that we already had. Every now and then we would rent one when there was a new release that we just could not wait to see. :)
ReplyDeleteI miss those days but I will give my grown kids credit. Chris and Heather are training our grandsons that mealtimes are times to come together and that also are not allowed to leave the table until people are done eating. They do participate in the conversations also and it is really fun to hear their answers to some of the same questions we asked of their daddy and uncles. :)
Hi Debbie,
DeleteThanks for taking time to stop by and share your meal time experiences. I, too have tried the dinner and a movie night once per week and the children and I really enjoyed it. We would alternate pizza and nachos weekly. But, unfortunately, for reasons I'd prefer not to expound upon, it did not work out for our family. Although it did not work for our particular family, I think it is a great idea for families where it does work out.
I was brought up in a culture where remaining at the meal table until EVERYONE has finished eating was an absolute must. One would never, ever think of leaving the meal while others were eating, unless the house was, literally, burning down. No one ever answered the telephone during meal times either. Since I am not the only parent living in our home, there is another influence on our family - an influence with whom I am at odds with over this issue.
I am so glad to hear that your grown children are training the grandchildren to not only be polite at the meal table, but also incorporating the importance of that daily time together as a family.
Blessings to you and yours,
Mrs.B
I think family meal times at the table are so important too! :) We definitely yik-yak while we eat and sometimes we quiz each other. We get out Brain Quest cards and I'll quiz the children (with daddy trying to trip them up with answers to challenge them a bit)! :)
ReplyDeleteHello Katy,
DeleteIt is so refreshing to find another family who considers family meal time important. I like your family's idea of the Brain Quest cards. When the conversation jar becomes repetitive this will be a terrific alternative - that is, if you don't mind me borrowing your idea.
Thank you for stopping by and taking time to share.
Blessings,
Mrs.B
When my children were growing up, we did eat most all meals together but I never remember a lag in conversation. I tend to be more quiet but my children were and still are a bunch of talkers 😄
ReplyDeleteYour centerpiece is lovely.
Good Morning Rhonda,
DeleteThank you for being such a faithful reader of my blog. And thank you for the compliment on my "centerpiece". We have one quiet child, one moderate talker and three chatter boxes - I also tend to be a chatter box. So it would seem that our meal time would be more lively and fun, but as I mentioned in the post, I'd rather not espouse the reasons or various situations that have contributed to our family's mealtime silence. I am only hoping trying some new ideas will result in some positive changes.
Hugs to you,
Mrs.B
Hello Mrs. B...I stumbled upon your blog and I just wanted to compliment you on it. I particulary enjoyed this post. I live in Italy and here eating all together at the dinner table is very important. Unfortunately we tend to eat with the TV on and I think that takes away from talking time. I love the jar idea and hope that you will be able to have more pleasant conversations while using it. I will give this a try at home as well and turn the tv off! Have a great day. Silvana
ReplyDeleteHi Silvana,
DeleteIt is nice to "meet" you. And thank you for taking time to read my blog, I hope if you return you will continue to be blessed. Living in Italy must be exciting. Our Middle Child had spent considerable time in Italy when he was in the U.S. Navy. I've really enjoyed his photos and the opportunity to experience another culture through his eyes.
When we lived in Texas, our dining room was adjacent to our living room and there were three chairs at the dining table where one could view the T.V. while eating. This always hampered conversation and interpersonal interaction.
When we first moved to Montana we lived in temporary housing that had an open kitchen/dining/living room floor plan. A floor plan I thought I'd enjoy. However, after living there only one week, I quickly discovered that floor plan was not one that would work for me as it became impossible to escape the noise of the T.V. And most of all, the T.V. was a HUGE distraction to homeschooling. Fortunately, that was temporary housing.
In our current farm house, the kitchen and dining is completely separate from the living room where our T.V. lives. This floor plan style suits me far better. One can not even hear the T.V. when in the dining room.
I hope you and your family are successful with turning the T.V. off and finding more conversation during your meal times.
Again, thank you for stopping by I hope you will be able to visit again soon.
Blessings,
Mrs.B
I think it's a great idea! As you know, we all spend A LOT of time together but the only meal time that we insist on doing together is supper. The kids wake up and eat at different times and lunch is often done with the TV on but at supper everything is turned off and no one may leave the table until excused (Even so, the kids still try to leave early. Fortunately with our current dining table arrangement, they are trapped in! Haha) We have tried different conversation starters before but they didn't really work. However, I believe it was because the kids were just too young. Greg does a good job with trying to ask them what they did during the day especially on field trip days. Of course that's easier when our days are so different. Think of you guys often and thanks for the reminder to try this again!
ReplyDeleteHello Dearest Rhonda,
DeleteSince writing this post, we've had an opportunity to use the conversation jar. The 1st evening it was on the table I asked, "Does anyone notice anything different about the table setting?" Silence screamed back at me. I then politely, and with a smile, told everyone, "The 1st person to finish their meal will have the pleasure of drawing the little slip of paper from this (picking up the mason jar) jar and asking the question printed upon it." Can you guess who finished their meal 1st?
Well, he was a good sport and participated. He also remained at the table until everyone finished eating.
I hope your travels are going well and you all are seeing many beautiful places, experiencing lots of new things and learning in a most fun and rewarding fashion. I know the memories you all are creating are priceless. I hope you guys will find your way back up here soon. Please give J and J a great big hug from their country cousin and tell your hubby hello from us all.
Love,
Mrs.B